Updated: Dec 6, 2021
Every year I take time to reflect on myself both as a woman and as an artist. I treat each reflective process separately to allow myself time to really delve into where I am. This time of pause allows me to see my journey as to where I feel I am and where growth and learning might be developed. This is not always easy as I truly do an authentic presentation of myself no matter what I find.
As part of this self-reflection, I do an abstract self-portrait. While most of these self-portraits are personal and just for me, I wanted to share my 2020 self-portrait.
While these self-portraits are personal and mainly for me to reflect where I am, they are always self-revealing as I am forced to see my growth or stagnation of my growth for what it is both in my personal path as well as my artistic journey.
If I did not do this, I would pass on into the next year with no understanding of what I see. What I see and what I feel is more important than what I accomplished. They are different from one another. This reflection is done without judgement as I do not get upset at myself for any goals I might have set that I did not reach. Many times, just setting a goal, working toward that goal gives me the inspiration or the foresight to go another direction and that too is growth. Changing course is actually expected.
For me as a woman, I look at my health, my spiritual growth, my relationships and who I am as a person God decide to put on this earth. How did I make this world a better place? Did I use the talents God gave me unselfishly? Do I have a net positive? (blog on that later!) Taking control of my self-being, growing spiritually, ensuring I stay as healthy as I can allow me to grow as an artist. I look my life in a general overview and what factors shape my daily life, what is currently in my life, my purpose, and how stressors might impact my life. I do not blindly let life control me, I constantly assess and reassess.
We all know that in 2020, we really had to reevaluate and reassess, sometimes daily, or we would not have survived. I think that has a lot to do with how I painted my 2020 self-portrait, I am not sure.
I will say, that both reflections, the one as a woman and the one as an artist intertwine, but they both must be done.
I call myself an “Intentional Artist” and that is for a reason. As an artist, I allow myself to push boundaries and move beyond where I might have set them as I know I can. I also know that I am goal driven and a risk taker.
Goals, intentions, plans done at the start of each year, are only a starting line for me. Moving beyond any plan is expected by my inner drive. Each month, I write down my thoughts and ask myself: did I reach those goals. What new challenges did I face and how did I overcome them. How did any new challenges change my goals along the way. How did I handle change?
As I end 2020, I find I have looked more at how I am ending this year than how I will begin 2021. I will get to 2021, once I take a deep breath.
My self-portrait is my start.
Love, Cheryl 2020